One of the hardest things I struggled with after becoming a licensed funeral director was the loss of personalization.
Like many of you, I got into this profession because I wanted to help families through some of their most difficult moments. I’ve always been a “front office” kind of director — I loved meeting with families, hearing their stories, guiding them through arrangements, and being present for services. What I didn’t love? The back office. Embalming, prep work, removals — I’ll be honest, those tasks never lit me up.
So when I took a job at a high-volume, low-cost cremation provider, I was thrilled. No removals. No embalming. I thought, This is it — I finally get to focus on the part of the job I actually enjoy.
But the reality ended up being very different.
The sheer number of families we served made it nearly impossible to have personal, meaningful conversations with everyone. I found myself repeating the same prices over and over, asking for mother’s maiden names on autopilot, and chasing down forms instead of building relationships. Slowly, my role started to feel more like an admin job than anything close to what I thought being a funeral director was supposed to be. And just like that, I felt completely disconnected from my “why.”
And I wasn’t alone. I saw my teammates go through the same thing — especially those coming from more traditional funeral homes where they were used to spending real time with families. That transition to quick phone calls and bare-minimum interaction was jarring.
But here’s what I eventually realized: the work only becomes monotonous if you let it.
To stay grounded in the purpose that brought me here, I had to find ways to break through the routine. I started looking for little moments to connect — asking questions beyond what was required, listening more intentionally, taking the extra second to let someone feel heard. Even when the service itself was minimal, the conversation didn’t have to be.
Now that I’ve had the chance to work with funeral homes across the country, I’ve noticed something: the best teams aren’t choosing between efficiency and connection — they’re finding ways to do both.
Automating routine tasks and streamlining paperwork doesn’t take away from the care — in fact, it creates more space for it. When you’re not chasing signatures or retyping the same price list, you can spend that time actually listening, asking the right questions, and building trust with a family.
The difference isn’t in how much service you’re offering — it’s in how you show up. Even in a direct cremation model, you can create a real sense of presence and professionalism. Think about the difference between a grocery store clerk who smiles and asks about your day versus one who scans in silence. The service is the same, but the experience is totally different.
I truly believe that connection is good for families and good for business. Yes, some families are only looking for the lowest price. But many others are searching for someone they feel they can trust — someone who cares about more than just the paperwork.
It’s the same way we all make decisions as consumers. If you’re getting quotes for a home or car repair, odds are you’re not just choosing based on price. You’re choosing based on trust, tone, and how comfortable you feel with the person on the other end.
So how do we bring that same connection into our work — even with limited time and simple services?
Start with the basics: ask the right questions, really listen to the answers, and be present in the conversation. Even a five-minute call can become meaningful if you slow down and show you care. That’s where the magic still lives in this work. That’s where we reconnect with our “why.”